We're From Ameritech - We're Here to Help

by Dr. Ron Baran - Famous Schaumburgian Misanthrope

I suppose that I don’t have to rehash the old 847 - 708 area code thing again. But I will.

I just can’t believe that those chowder heads over at Ameritech have had a year to implement the area code transition and still managed to screw it up monumentally. And what’s even worse . . . they don’t even admit to a problem.

Last Saturday a frustrated patient dropped by the office to change an appointment. Now keep in mind that she lives about a quarter mile away. She gave us the following story: First she dialed the NEW seven digit number and was told that she was out of area and had to dial 708. So she dialed 1-708 and the seven digit number and then got a recording that told her she was out of the area and had to dial 847. So she did that and guess what - - got another recording telling her to dial 708. She gave up and drove over. Probably should have walked over. Better exercise.

Then, the next Monday, and, by the way, the phones are still screwed up at this point, I get a letter from the Vice President of Ameritech Small Business Services, who is very concerned about the well being of my business. He is so concerned that he wants me to get a few more telephone lines. Never mind the fact that I already have 8 lines and half of them don’t work.

Here’s a few quotes: What’s at stake are your patient relationships and your ability to provide responsive care. Adding a dedicated fax or modem line is a sound investment to prevent communication difficulties from getting in the way of your practice... You may ask yourself: "Can I really afford to add another line?" But consider the consequences of missing just one call: A patient trying to reschedule an appointment who can’t get through; An important call from a colleague or insurance company claim representative that was delayed because your line was busy; A report on test results that didn’t come through quickly because the lab couldn’t reach you; A pharmacist trying to check the proper dosage or confirm drug interaction or precautions.

Yes, indeed. Consider the cost of missing just one call. So I finally broke down and called Ameritech to find out when the screw-up would be straightened out. The lady who took the call was priceless. "Oh really," she said with the same tone of voice you might use if someone told you that they had recently been abducted by Martians for a physical exam. "That’s the first we have heard of that." Yup. Really identifying with the plight of the small business person. "We’ll check it out and get right back to you." I guess if you ignore it . . . it will go away. Hey, that’s a pretty clever saying. I wonder if I can use it? The lady got back to us and told us that all the lines were working fine.

Still can’t call out or receive calls on 8445 or 8583 but I feel much better knowing that the lines are working fine. I can hardly wait until the new 630 area code kicks in around November. And what about all those 312ers turning into 773ers? We can all sit back and feel their pain. Unless, or course, we have to call one of them. The quintessential string and soup cans are starting to look pretty good right about now.

Here’s a little interesting sidelight from the ol’ curmudgeon. If you dial 895-8444 from DuPage County you will get some unlisted residence in Tinley Park, it’s probably not a good idea to call them because they are getting a tad testy at this point. They were kind of helpful and friendly at the beginning but now they’re getting downright cranky. Thanks, Ameritech.*

* Since this article was written, Ameritech was bought by SBC Communications.  However, they are still quite incompetent.

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